Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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