I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
