dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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