My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
