Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
