I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
