please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
