Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
