Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I had to cum in my sink.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
