We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Randomize
