he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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