True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
