I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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