I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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