Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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