Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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