my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
