thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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