Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
