i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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