never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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