this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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