some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
