my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
