You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
