I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize