I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Houston, we have a squirter
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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