I heard we made out
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
