this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
