I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
