First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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