Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My feet surprised me
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