somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
