What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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