thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
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I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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