I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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