there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
