Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
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I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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