SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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