just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Drake has all the answers
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
