Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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