I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
