His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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