I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
