Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
