i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
