Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
