Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
