the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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