He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The Olympian is in my bed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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