can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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