I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
