Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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