Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
