please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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