Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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