new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
