Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
