he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
