Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
