you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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