We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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