highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
