Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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