I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
