i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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