I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
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I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
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It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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