elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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