3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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