Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
