Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
