His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
this just has baby written all over it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
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there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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