Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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