i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
