does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
