I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
