I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
