we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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