what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
