I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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