Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
