Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
